New York Highlanders GM Holds Press Conference

[TimGuru]

Today in a midtown Manhattan restaurant, Highlanders GM Tim Guru held an impromptu news conference to speak on exciting news for the Highlanders on the free agent front and other matters.

Excerpts from his remarks:

--NY is pleased to announce the signing of free agent infielder Gabriel Perez. We were a bit surprised she signed so soon, but upon further reflection it makes sense. She may want to wear heels for some of our evening games, and that might limit our ability to put her in the second base position, what with the importance of the pivot in the double play and all. So it only makes sense that she'd sign early, in case all us GMs figured that out and decided to not sign her.

After some whispering with his assistant
--My assistant informs me that Gabriel is actually a "he". We are pleased to announce HIS signing, proving the diversity exemplified by this franchise in signing a cross dresser who likes to wear heels at night.

On pitching
--Our starting rotation, already the team's strongest point in 1974, has been further strengthened with some key signings, including Nat Praet, who informed us that he would have left Hartford sooner but the bus service to New Haven and NY has only recently been reinstated after it caught fire in 1966.

On the surge in season ticket sales
--New York's fans are the greatest in the world, and like a true Highlander, they have been down but not dead in recent years. They expect, nay demand, a winner, and that is what we are going to give them. To prove that, we have made our motto 75 in 75, which admittedly isn't EXACTLY a winner yet, since its a little below 500, but our hearts in the right place.

On the future of FOOL
--Baseball has had its dead ball era, and now the rumor is that FOOL is going to have its Sissy Era. Somebody came up with the idea to be more "fair" and starting in 1980, let more teams into the playoffs. Well, let me just say that the Highlanders will win a championship again during the Real Men era of this league, not the last championship but certainly one of many that we will....

At that point, Guru excused himself to the restroom and his assistant had the dignity to look embarassed while the reporters walked away.

[muns]

Great article!!!!!

I have to say this.

You "new" guys have been great to have around. Your bringing a lot to the league. Glad to have you all here.

This is just another fine example of it!!!!

[Young Drachma]

Looking forward to chants of Land Ho! again soon.

75 in 75!