Husker_OS's Blog
January sucks. Easily the worst month of the year. Its the coldest in terms of daily temps for my region. About 25 of the days in January are cloudy and bleak. Hard to be in a good mood when its always cloudy, cold, and raining. Not to mention football is over and baseball hasn't started. I don't really care about Alabama basketball right now since we have a lame duck as a head coach.
I need to decide what to do with my Jeep. Do I want to purchase some husky liner floor mats, buy a garmin for it, or re-do the 2 front seats? I'm leaning towards the GPS. One, it looks cool. And two, its very practical since I'll be on the road a lot once I graduate college later this year.
The weekend was semi-successful. I got some strange one night but the **** buddy potential was ruined when my ex sent me a drunk text message. I didn't reply, but the content in the text was enough to make the girl peace out pretty quickly. So really it didn't help that much. Hell it may have made things worse.
The worst part of the weekend occurred today. One of my friends' girlfriend, who has also become one of my good friends this year, stopped by the house today while some of us were playing pool. I was just chilling on the couch and she looked at me said "Alex you look really tired, you need to wake up". One of my fraternity brothers commented and said I'd looked tired for the past week or so. Then it hit me that I'm depressed. I got to thinking that lately I've been wanting to sleep alot, haven't had much of an appetite, haven't been in a good mood, and even at the parties I've gone to I haven't really been social. I've just sat there and blended in which isn't something I generally do.
This week/weekend seriously needs to bring some good luck into my life. Lately I've been having pretty ****ty luck. Like watching both of my football teams self-destruct in a span of one month. Or losing my part-time job putting me back in the situation of having to get all of my money from my parents. I hate asking my parents for beer money. I also liked being able to pay for the modifications to my Jeep by myself. Makes it that much better when they're done. Then there's the whole getting my heart broken deal. So yeah, I definitely need some good fortune.
I think when you meet someone who isn't right for you, you fall for them quicker. Is that not ****ed up? I've done this twice now. I ignored every red flag and got in way too deep and the end result, which most people except myself saw coming, was me getting crushed in the end. I still miss the hell out of her. And I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't have been with her in the first place. As far as her approach and thoughts on dating we were two completely different people. The worst part about the whole thing is I know she had strong feelings for me. Which is why she ended it the way she did. Its also why we're not even speaking to eachother anymore. We both know if we hung out again, we'd get back together. It sucks. I want to see her so bad. It took all I had to not reply to that message.
At this point, I just wanna be happy again. I don't care how it happens either. I don't care if its due to grades, sports teams success, getting a new girlfriend or just all of a sudden one day I'm happy again. Doesn't matter to me. I just want to be ****ing happy again. Maybe Alabama will get the #1 recruiting class on Rivals again. That would probably get me out of this lull. Too bad that's almost a month away. I don't want to be in this damn mood for another 4 weeks.
On the music front though, I finally broke down and bought Black Stone Cherry's most recent album this past week. Great financial decision. Its a quality album that will be in my rotation for quite some time. Not to mention there's a song on there called "Please Come In" that I can relate to pretty well. But the whole album is filled with great songs. BSC is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands and might even be in the top 5 with Breaking Benjamin, Theory of a Deadman, Shinedown, and The Wallflowers.
Anyway, peace out. Leave comments, advice, criticism or whatever. Input is always welcomed.
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What you are going through, is completely normal, and sucks. I had a friend who his girl at the time broke up with him after she has a miscarriage. They were dating for a year and a half, and obviously weren't planning on having a kid. Anyway, he stuck, with her, and after she had a miscarriage, she just told him she wanted to move on and not settle down so quickly. He was a junior in HS at the time, and it just tore him up. He ended up dropping out of HS at the time. He ended up getting his GED and right now is happier than ever.
Depression happens. I can say I've never been depressed for longer than a night, I guess I'm lucky in that sense. Happiness will come back to you, trust me. It takes time, more than anything.
Stay strong man. Just forget about her, don't mention her when posting, etc. Almost all of the posts I've seen from you lately have mentioned her, stop doing that. She wasn't right for you, she's immature, not ready for the next step, it's all good. Someone better will come along.
Also, I'd get the GPS as well. Those come in handy.